Saturday, 18 March 2017

Week 19/52

Day 133.

Life is so complicated, thats how I feel at the moment. Life is just overwhelming me. I feel ok in general, but not ok at the same time. It's odd.

I think its Anxiety, which I've had at times in the past, just not in this form.

This isn't drinking related I don't think, but perhaps its something that drinking has been covering up?  The urge to pack up and move to a place where there are less people, less traffic, less noise and no wifi has hit me more than once. I think perhaps this has all been building for a couple of weeks and now is consuming my thoughts.

I need a break from my life, and perhaps in the past, alcohol was that break? So now I need to find a new way to get a break, without actually going anywhere. Meditation might be the answer, but I have never been able to do it successfully. Or maybe this is just a weird stage that will pass.


  1. There's no such thing as unsuccessful meditation. It's just checking in with yourself. How you feel isn't important.
    I like yoga for meditation because the physical side helps me focus.

    When my anxiety peaks I find Epsom salt baths, magnesium citrate before bed and some GABA can really help.

    And I try not to make major, life changing decisions!

    Take care.

    1. Thanks Anne, I guess I feel I don't really know how to meditate. I can't seem to stop my mind wondering all over the place. I love epson salts baths and had one during the week. I will get some magnesium. I've never heard of GABA so will keep an eye out. Thanks for the advise

  2. I went through a very similar thing and feel like I am still going through it to some degree. We have made such a huge life change by stopping I think our brain fires up all sorts of other things we could "potentially" change. It's best to sit with all of these thoughts and anxieties and let them just come and go for now. I am not an AA'er but I agree with thier mantra of make no big changes for one year. As you commented on my blog about my job, I am holding back changing because I am not sure if I should jump yet or hold tight til the dust settles.
    Ultimately there are no right or wrong decisions we just have to be fully aware why we are making them. I keep hoping I can commit to yoga or meditation but I seem to only be able to commit to carb binges and Netflix/box sets. Each step so far has played out at the right time do I am holding out that the next step will show up and make itself known and I hope the same for you too.

    1. Yes I think you are right, I feel I'm having a mid life crises or something. I think what you and Anne said about not making any huge changes is also right. I am overwhelming myself with what I want to do, who am I, am I on the right path, is this how I want to live etc etc. I've worked myself up and become over sensitive to everything!

  3. Anne and Ginger have good advice.
    I have anxiety now and then, and it drives me nuts.
    But deep breathing helps me a lot.
    Walking helps me.
    I have to ask myself, what is the real reason for the anxiety.
    If it's me, then I'll always be with me, so I can't run away from me.

    1. I have had periods of anxiety since my 20's, although I didn't know at the time what it was. It always goes away, and comes back, but this feels different in that I'm obsessing about different stuff. But yes, you are right it is me, and where ever I go I will still be me.

  4. Noise and business was a massive problem for me in early sobriety. My brain was recallibrating and still sometimes noise gets too much for me. Its like I wasnt to turn everything off, the volume and the brightness to low.Just remember wherever you move to you take yourself with you. There are easier ways to simplify your life without having to make such a massive change. xxxxxx

  5. Hi PDTG
    Isn't great to have such clever advice from people who know how it is. This forum is excellent and we are so lucky.

    As I am 133 days today, I do feel somehow close to you although our history/path may be different. I do feel very similar to what you are describing but you put it so much better than I could.

    My anxiety cannot be hidden now and I have to live it which is very interesting, more interesting was it to find that ethanol increases anxiety once it wears off. I do sometimes wonder how much permanent damage that does but am a great believer in time and open thinking for my future.

    I do like many snippets of advice I have had from GG especially around the "take it slow" and "change comes, don't rush it". It is very very (VERY) good advice.

    Sending big hugs to you
    Michelle xxxx